I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
