my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
