woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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