I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
