If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
