I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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