You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
