whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Farmville is her only friend.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
