lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
