I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
