i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
