Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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