That's intense
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
