I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
