Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
