It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
