if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
