i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
