he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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