peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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