He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My nipple is on Facebook.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
