Can Purell be used as lube?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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