I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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