marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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