Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
