hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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