I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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