Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
