I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
