Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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