whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
