Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm like, not good at living.
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