Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
