Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
