I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
