I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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