Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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