Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
