This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
