3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
