Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
