I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
