You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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