i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
