i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
