the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Found your dick twin last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
