im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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