There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We had to coat check the pizza.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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