I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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