you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
