i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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