I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
