I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
