Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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