He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
