When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
